She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
