did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
