So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
