did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
