So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
