dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
