Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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