My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
