Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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