we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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