you traded sex for a burrito?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
