Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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