i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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