On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
