ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
