So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
