sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
