I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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