Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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