Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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