I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
