You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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