You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
