Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
