I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
