so that wasnt chicken after all
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
