So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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