My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
