just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
