guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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