So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
