Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Randomize
