Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
