I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
