come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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