he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
