P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
