Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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