Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
