I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
