you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
