you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
