Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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