i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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