Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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