dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
