My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
