i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
