Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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