the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
