This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
