Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
