And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
