I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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