the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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