I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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