He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
