I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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