I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
