Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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